Life happens while we are having conversations with ourselves and other people.
Not learning from others may have a lot to do with not truly ‘listening’ to what others say. Listening is the context that makes life intelligible, allows anything to have meaning, and forms the basis for all communication (both written and spoken). It is a whole lot more than just ‘hearing’ the words that are spoken. I’m always listening, always bringing a prior interpretation or understanding of my world
By Shae Hadden | Bio
How often have you caught yourself ‘tuning out’ when listening to a friend, family member or acquaintance? Or had someone point out that you aren’t really listening to them?We have all, at one time or another, done so—whether consciously or not. I discovered a few years ago that I had developed a habit of trying hard to ‘push’ my perspective on some of my close personal relationships. When they didn’t listen, I withdrew and stopped listening to them. I don’t know a more effective way to seal oneself off from other people. Not only can it lead to boredom, but it can sound the death knell for love. And it is a lonely tragedy often replayed
I am on the road again. I’ve just spent two weeks in Mexico: one week with my son Clarke, and the other working at what must be one of the most fantastic meeting sites I have ever encountered. It is called the Hacienda San Gabriel de las Palmas. Built in 1529, it is easy to imagine Cortes and the Spanish conquistadors riding up the roadway. There are lots of ruins on the grounds and the meeting room was in what appears to be an old barn or storehouse with curved ceilings and antiques all around.
By Don Arnoudse
Bio
Just me completely present, wide awake, and paying attention to you. Attention that is full of interest in you, infused with compassion, alive with good humor, energized by the mere fact of our being together and having this conversation. Attention that comes with no judgment about good or bad, right or wrong, do I agree or disagree. Just pure mindfulness of this precious moment together.
When was the last time you experienced this with someone? When was the last time that you
Most of us are fans of the idea of ‘dialogue’. Dialogue is generally touted as the answer for resolving conflicts, building trust and crossing cultural divides of all kinds—be they national, organizational, ethnic, racial, gender-based or generational. I was having a conversation recently with a very bright young woman in the same business as me and we were swapping stories and ideas and experiences.
Although we are both professional communicators and teach others how to communicate more
By Stu Whitley
Bio
This is the third post in a three-part series.
In the 18th century, Sir William Herschel became the first man to discover a planet, Uranus, and six years later, he found two moons to that frozen, unimaginable world. His sister was an eminent astronomer as well, discovering three nebulae and eight comets. His son John, born into a family steeped in brilliance, wrote Treatise on Astronomy in 1833, in which he, like all visionaries, looked to the heavens to illustrate the central point in his work: he warned against misinterpretation and what he called ‘vulgar errors’ arising from imperfect or habitual apprehension. His instruction to men of reason was to try and listen, to see, and to understand the gigantic truths behind the reduced forms of mundane existence, in the same way as a sailor knows but cannot immediately measure the frozen immensity under the iceberg’s cap.John
Herschel said that a person who would seek to properly understand
should “loosen his hold on all rude and hastily adopted notions, and
must strengthen himself…for the unprejudiced admission of any
conclusion which shall appear to be supported by careful observation
and logical argument, even if it should move of such a nature adverse
to notions he may have previously formed for himself,
Life happens while we’re having conversations with ourselves and other people.
Listening is the context that makes life intelligible, allows anything to have meaning, and forms the basis for all communication (both written and spoken). It’s a whole lot more than just ‘hearing’ the words that are spoken. It’s about listening with an open mind, listening without already having an answer, listening to the person and noticing what they are not
By Stu Whitley
Bio
This post is second in a three-part series.
In our relationships, as with our work, listening is absolutely fundamental to leadership and the discipline of effective communication. This includes the need to be alert for situations where cocking one’s ear to the rhythms of speech, as well as its content, will ensure better understanding. To do this in the context of conversation means to project positive non-verbal behaviour, to avoid being captured by words that we know can provoke negative emotions, by not interrupting, and by silently analyzing as dialogue proceeds.When witnesses testify, when judges speak, when communities express
concern, or when a victim expresses doubt, we sometimes—often—hear only
what we want to hear, and dismiss the rest. In doing so, we overlook
the lesson of one of the primal aboriginal teachings: to hear the most
important part of the message, it is necessary to hear with the eyes
and
By Stu Whitley
Bio
This post is the first in a thee-part series.
The older we get, I think, the more clearly we see how important it is to be patient in our listening.
I read something a little while ago by Jose Kusugak, President of the Inuit Tapiriit Kanatami, in Nunavut. He was writing about a childhood Inuit game called Aaqsiiq,
the ‘silence game’. What a wonderfully simple but elegant concept:
removing
By Don Arnoudse
Bio
I
get paid, and quite handsomely, for listening and talking to people. As
a Personal and Executive Coach, I’ve engaged daily for the past six
years in the most intimate, often surprising, and always intense
dialogues with very interesting people who are dealing with high-stakes
dilemmas in their professional and personal lives. Part of my process
is to intentionally provoke them. Provoke them into thinking in
unconventional ways, into