Reflections on Loss |
Wednesday Aug 01 2007
While we have been living separately for over a year now, and I have been at peace with how our relationship was evolving, today was special. Today for the first time, I felt like I was truly ‘on my own’, without a partner, without connection to another human being. I am adrift with my thoughts and feelings and free (perhaps even forced) to look newly at my world, other people and what I am doing with my life. ‘Present’ today in a new way, in this moment and aware of the thoughts and beliefs that have brought me to this place and time.
I’m not sure I’ve ever looked at my life in quite this way before…perhaps at the next major turn in the road, I will again. For now, I am content to give myself up to ‘being’, to allowing life to flow around and through me, to be open to new thoughts, opportunities and experiences. To allow any lingering regrets or grief at the loss of ‘what was’ to wash through me. And to accept that we did the best we knew how to at the time.
As the sun sets on this day, so too does my attachment to what a relationship ‘should’ look like. Perhaps freedom is not something bestowed on us by another person. Perhaps it is something we create for ourselves. I am, I think, learning to ‘let go’ and accept life just today --- to live one day at a time.
Luckily my relationship with David will continue as friends. Who knows, perhaps someday we will fall in love again. Whatever the future holds, I am complete and whole and, like a lot of women I know, I am alone—but I am not lonely.
Written by eldering at Personal Empowerment
Tagged with: attachment divorce loss relationship time
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