By Kevin Brown | Bio
Recently, I came across an article from the New York Times entitled "Invisible Immigrants, Old and Left With ‘Nobody to Talk To’",
concerning elderly immigrants in the United States and the loneliness
and isolation that many of them experience, especially those who
speak little or no English.
The article references
Mr. Devendra Singh, a 79-year-old widower, who commented on differences
he observed in people in North America and people in India. “Here
people think about what is convenient and inconvenient for them.” He
notes that in India, there is a favorable bias towards the elderly. And
Professor Teas, a sociology professor and demographer at the University
of California, Irvine, also noted in the article that, "Reliant on
their children, late-life immigrants are a vulnerable population. They
come anticipating a great deal of family togetherness. But American
society isn’t organized in a way that responds to their cultural
expectations.”
I hold the view that loneliness, isolation,
and the desire for family togetherness is shared by an increasing
number of seniors right across North America. These experiences and desires are not unique to immigrants, although they may indeed be more pronounced.
During
the last few weeks, my brother-in-law, my wife and myself have been
visiting my mother-in-law in Edmonton, while she is recovering in
hospital from a fall and an unrelated infection. At this time, it looks
favorable that she will be able to return to her assisted living
complex. During our visits, each of us have noticed the infrequent
visits to other seniors in the same ward as my mother-in-law. In fact,
this experience reminds me of our visits to my mother while she was in
hospital six years ago. The periodic visits to her ward mates was just
as noticeable. How the seniors in my mother-in-law’s ward must long
for the experience of family togetherness that was present for their
parents and for their grandparents.
In discussions with my
mother and my mother-in-law (while they were in hospital), each had
plenty of time to share their experiences of family life while they
were growing up. The family was the centre of life. And the deep
closeness that typified their families was a source of pride. Now, of
course, family members are lucky if they live in the same city or
country. Mr. Singh's comment about people's concern for what is
convenient and inconvenient begs the question, “Do we make time for the seniors in our life?” If not, and if these relationships are important to us, we must find and create other ways to keep connected.
At the Eldering Institute®, we are committed to transforming the conversation about what is possible as we grow older. The first two commitments in the Eldering Manifesto
call us into a new possibility and vision for growing older and
relating to one another with respect and dignity. I invite you take a
few minutes to read it and add your name to the hundreds of people who
are committed to Eldering™. Let's work together to connect with seniors in the communities in which we live. © 2009 Kevin Brown. All rights reserved.
Written by eldering at Wisdom in Action
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By Kevin Brown | Bio
I
had the pleasure of spending last weekend in San Francisco. It has been
over 5 years since I last visited the city, and so I was looking
forward to experiencing all that it and its people have to offer. From
a tourist perspective, my expectations were met in terms of
sightseeing, enjoying the variety of restaurants, and taking in some of
the museums and art galleries. On this trip, however, my eye turned to
the needy, the homeless, and the many people on the street who appeared
in need of a meal, as well as to those who appeared to be under the
influence of drugs or alcohol. [ Read More]
Written by eldering at Wisdom in Action
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By Kevin Brown | Bio
Recently I was reading a blog post by Paul Span and the associated stream of comments in the New York Times concerning
the use of contracts between a family member providing care, a family
member receiving care, and other family members. I must say that
initially I found the idea of a contract somewhat disturbing. I realize
that the idea bothers me because I hold the view that a family
caregiver should be approaching caregiving out of a sense of
responsibility, love and compassion. Imagine if our parents could have
entered into a contract for parenting in which their time invested was
logged and at some future point we (the children) would have to pay our
parents for their time and out-of-pocket expenses. Silly, you might
suggest, because our parents [ Read More]
Written by eldering at Wisdom in Action
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By Kevin Brown | Bio
Like
me, you can probably remember a relationship you had as a child with an
elderly relative or friend of the family. Some of my best memories of
such a time involve Mrs. Cowling, an elderly lady who lived next door
to us. We had just moved to a new neighborhood in Calgary, and there
were only two completed homes on the block. Our home had the only
family of children for about three blocks. There was my older sister
Paulette (13 years old), myself (7) , and my brand new brother Ken who
was not yet one. Mrs. Cowling was in her eighties[ Read More]
Written by eldering at Wisdom in Action
Tagged with:
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 By Kevin Brown | Bio
There
was a time when ‘showing up’ for a meeting, an appointment, or a family
event left me thinking about being on time, what I must remember to
bring, or what I should wear. Increasingly though, I have been thinking
about how I ‘show up’ in conversation with the people I interact with.
I am talking about conversations with my work colleagues, fellow
churchgoers, friends, extended family members, my son, my wife, and
even with my God. When I began to consider how I show up for others in
conversation, I realized just how little attention I was giving to
being responsible in my conversations.[ Read More]
Written by eldering at Wisdom in Action
Tagged with:
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By Kevin Brown | Bio
In last week’s post,
I defined a Caregiver as “any individual who willingly gives of
themselves to improve the quality of life for another individual.”
There are times when the responsibility of providing care weighs heavy
upon Caregivers. When this giving of self, especially when it occurs
over prolonged periods, leaves the Caregiver drained of energy and in
need of care themselves, it is time to take a step back and look at
what one’s own needs are. [ Read More]
Written by eldering at Wisdom in Action
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By Kevin Brown | Bio
In
my last post, I shared my observations concerning the ability of my
mother-in-law to embrace change. This week I thought I would focus on
the challenges faced by her primary caregiver, my wife. Rather than
address the challenges in the relationship between adults and their
aging parents, I will share some of the challenges caregivers (family
or friends) increasingly face from healthcare providers. Some of these
challenges may indeed be unique to our province and country of
residence (Alberta, Canada), but surely some will exist in your
community as well. One of the third-party challenges my wife
faces[ Read More]
Written by eldering at Wisdom in Action
Tagged with:
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By Kevin Brown | Bio
Recently,
I had the privilege of meeting with a local group of leaders that were
actively engaged in Eldering activities in the heart of Calgary
Alberta, Canada. I was fortunate in that one of those leaders, my
Uncle George Hopkins (a gentleman who really espouses the Eldering Principles), shared with me the contribution a group of seniors are making within their community. George
is currently active with a group of elder leaders in his community
bringing together seniors and youth in community theatre events. He
and his group have been partnering with [ Read More]
Written by eldering at Wisdom in Action
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