Recently, I came across an article from the New York Times entitled "Invisible Immigrants, Old and Left With ‘Nobody to Talk To’",
concerning elderly immigrants in the United States and the loneliness
and isolation that many of them experience, especially those who
speak little or no English.
The article references
Mr. Devendra Singh, a 79-year-old widower, who commented on differences
he observed in people in North America and people in India. “Here
people think about what is convenient and inconvenient for them.” He
notes that in India, there is a favorable bias towards the elderly. And
Professor Teas, a sociology professor and demographer at the University
of California, Irvine, also noted in the article that, "Reliant on
their children, late-life immigrants are a vulnerable population. They
come anticipating a great deal of family togetherness. But American
society isn’t organized in a way that responds to their cultural
expectations.”
I hold the view that loneliness, isolation,
and the desire for family togetherness is shared by an increasing
number of seniors right across North America. These experiences and desires are not unique to immigrants, although they may indeed be more pronounced.
During
the last few weeks, my brother-in-law, my wife and myself have been
visiting my mother-in-law in Edmonton, while she is recovering in
hospital from a fall and an unrelated infection. At this time, it looks
favorable that she will be able to return to her assisted living
complex. During our visits, each of us have noticed the infrequent
visits to other seniors in the same ward as my mother-in-law. In fact,
this experience reminds me of our visits to my mother while she was in
hospital six years ago. The periodic visits to her ward mates was just
as noticeable. How the seniors in my mother-in-law’s ward must long
for the experience of family togetherness that was present for their
parents and for their grandparents.
In discussions with my
mother and my mother-in-law (while they were in hospital), each had
plenty of time to share their experiences of family life while they
were growing up. The family was the centre of life. And the deep
closeness that typified their families was a source of pride. Now, of
course, family members are lucky if they live in the same city or
country. Mr. Singh's comment about people's concern for what is
convenient and inconvenient begs the question, “Do we make time for the seniors in our life?” If not, and if these relationships are important to us, we must find and create other ways to keep connected.
At the Eldering Institute®, we are committed to transforming the conversation about what is possible as we grow older. The first two commitments in the Eldering Manifesto
call us into a new possibility and vision for growing older and
relating to one another with respect and dignity. I invite you take a
few minutes to read it and add your name to the hundreds of people who
are committed to Eldering™. Let's work together to connect with seniors in the communities in which we live.
Last week I read that life expectancy in the United States
has now reached 78 years of age. As reported by Associated Press, a baby born
in 2007 can expect to live to the age of 78. The same report noted that heart
disease and cancer together were the cause of nearly half of U.S. fatalities,
and that Alzheimer's disease has surpassed diabetes to become the sixth leading
cause of death. Regardless of how long we can expect to live, everyone
has
a date at which time life, as we know it, will come to an end. Whether by natural
or unnatural causes, our life on earth will have a conclusion.
Wikipedia defines “life expectancy” as the average number of years of life remaining
at a given age. Certainly a life expectancy of 78 years is better than the
previous high of 75.5 years. But what if we consider ‘life expectancy’ from a slightly
different perspective? The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines “expectancy”
as the act or state of anticipating or looking forward. What would be the
implications for us if we thought of our life expectancy as being about what we
might anticipate or look forward to as we live the precious moments of our
lives, rather than looking at the number of years we might have left?
I recall discussions with my father about what he looked forward to when he
retired. He anticipated a time of rest, a time when he could pursue his
hobbies and favorites sports. He also talked about spending time
travelling with my mother. As with many working class families, life
occurred as a series of work weeks, weekends for rest,
helping children with homework, and the almost never-ending chores associated
with a family of eight. When vacation times did occur, the varying
schedules of growing children left very little time for Mom and Dad to spend
together. My father retired at 60 years of age, but by then, both my father and
mother had become, well, 'home-bodies'. They had spent so much time at
home that the very thought of travelling made them tired. In fact, they really
never learned how to travel, so for them, vacationing occurred for them as more
work.
Don't get me wrong. They enjoyed the rest that came with retirement, but with
their increasing age came infirmities. Both no longer had the health they
enjoyed when they were younger. My father passed away at the age of 74 and my
mother joined him some five years later.
While what occurred for my parents is indeed 'what is', a small part of me wishes
that my parents had created possibilities for their individual lives throughout
each year, rather than have focused so much on their retirement years. It
occurs to me that the future does not occur somewhere in distant months or
years. The future occurs in each new moment and therefore possibility
also exists in each new moment. What possibilities might each of us anticipate,
create or look forward to as we live each moment of our lives?
At the Eldering Institute, we are committed to a rich experience of
aging for everyone. Imagine living your life as a possibility. A life
in which you have the ability to choose how your future occurs for
you. Our
Eldering
Manifesto provides just such a vision for growing older. Please watch the video
and then read the manifesto.
If you share our vision, declare your commitment to a life of
possibility by signing the manifesto. As in all of life, the choice is
yours!
By Kevin Brown | BioThis
week I have been having discussions with several of my friends and
business associates concerning the apparent absence of choice as we are
nearing retirement. It seems that for some people, there appears to be
no choice but to remain with their current employer in a job they no
longer find satisfaction in due to an anticipated financial loss
associated with pension and health benefits. For many, this realization
has them feeling like they have no choice in the matter.
Have you noticed lately the impact that Boomers continue to have on the
world as we know it? Yes, the 'Net Generation' is beginning to have a
growing influence on our world and the way we interact with everyone in
it. But the Boomers are not retiring or withdrawing from being in
action on the field like their parents' generation did before them. No,
the Boomers are choosing to remain in the game and to impact how life
occurs for them and for everyone else. The question is, “Is this a
selfish act by Boomers or one of generosity and possibility?” Boomers
(those born between the mid 40s and the mid 60s) have been the agents
of change for most of their adult life. Whether challenging dress
codes, music preferences, the Vietnam War, or the status quo, Boomers
were and continue to be all about change. Of course, if change means
upsetting established norms, then Boomers are likely to be found
leading the parade. One can see their impact on each and every decade
for the last fifty years.
Increasingly I find myself thinking about the word
retirement and whether it has the appeal that it once had for the mature
worker. I remember, as if it were yesterday, my father talking about how he was
looking forward to retirement. After working long hours and raising a family,
there just did not seem much time for anything else. Through much of his
mid-life, my dad's job (conductor for the railroad) had him working away from
home and on the road during the week. Weekends were mostly reserved for rest
before returning to the job the following Monday. Often he would share how he
looked forward to being able to spend time doing the things he really wanted to
do. I just assumed that meant golfing and fishing simply because those are
about the only leisure activities that I remember my dad enjoying.
I
had the pleasure of spending last weekend in San Francisco. It has been
over 5 years since I last visited the city, and so I was looking
forward to experiencing all that it and its people have to offer. From
a tourist perspective, my expectations were met in terms of
sightseeing, enjoying the variety of restaurants, and taking in some of
the museums and art galleries. On this trip, however, my eye turned to
the needy, the homeless, and the many people on the street who appeared
in need of a meal, as well as to those who appeared to be under the
influence of drugs or alcohol.
By Kevin Brown | BioIn my previous post,
I mentioned two books that I was in the process of reading, Ken
Dychtwald's "With Purpose" and Don Tapscott's "Grown Up Digital".
Ken's book calls us to consider how we will spend our time and apply
our life experience in the later stages of our life. Don's book has us
consider the impact the 'Net Generation' is having on the world at
large. I have only begun to read "Grown up Digital" and already I am
reading it from the perspective of aging. While considering the impact
of the 'Net Generation', I am really listening for "What does this mean
to the generation of baby boomers (my generation) that is about to
retire and how will it directly or indirectly influence our
generation's impact on society going forward?"[Read More]
I was reading Ken Dychtwald’s With Purpose
recently, and was struck by a comment in the introduction. He noted
that "in a single generation, sixty-two went from 'such a long life' to
'he died so young'." Being 57 myself, I have a personal interest in
the subject of aging and how I can continue to live a life that is
significant and contributes to the communities in which I live, learn,
work, and play. Another book that is waiting to be read is Canadian author Don Tapscott’s Grown Up Digital.
Recently I was reading a blog post by Paul Span and the associated stream of comments in the New York Times concerning
the use of contracts between a family member providing care, a family
member receiving care, and other family members. I must say that
initially I found the idea of a contract somewhat disturbing. I realize
that the idea bothers me because I hold the view that a family
caregiver should be approaching caregiving out of a sense of
responsibility, love and compassion. Imagine if our parents could have
entered into a contract for parenting in which their time invested was
logged and at some future point we (the children) would have to pay our
parents for their time and out-of-pocket expenses. Silly, you might
suggest, because our parents
By Kevin Brown | BioLike
me, you can probably remember a relationship you had as a child with an
elderly relative or friend of the family. Some of my best memories of
such a time involve Mrs. Cowling, an elderly lady who lived next door
to us. We had just moved to a new neighborhood in Calgary, and there
were only two completed homes on the block. Our home had the only
family of children for about three blocks. There was my older sister
Paulette (13 years old), myself (7) , and my brand new brother Ken who
was not yet one. Mrs. Cowling was in her eighties[Read More]
By Kevin Brown | BioAt
the end of April this year, my wife and I spent a week in
Nevada. The purpose of our visit was purely one of rest and
relaxation. We spent a few days in Las Vegas and then a few in
Laughlin, Nevada and Bullhead, Arizona. Our short vacation included a
few days of golf (for me), some sightseeing, viewing some real
estate properties, a Cirque du Soleil evening show, time by the pool,
lots of dining out, and a last-minute decision to take in 'Bodies...
The Exhibition' on display at the Luxor Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. While each of our activities provided the rest and enjoyment we
sought, it was the Bodies exhibition that left me both amazed
and filled with awe.[Read More]
This
past February I wrote an article concerning the Seniors
Action Group of Calgary and their experience with staging
intergenerational theatre projects. In that article I referenced a new
work
and partnership that the group was preparing to undertake with the
Calgary Sexual Health Centre. That new work is now nearing the
end of their Spring 2009 offering and the production is
receiving accolades from all who attend.
With the encouragement and support of Nicole Hergert, a counselor with the Calgary Sexual Health Centre and the artistic leadership and direction of Mariette Sluyter, founding director of the Foundation Lab, Seniors a GOGO was formed as a partnership between the Calgary Sexual
Health Centre, the Seniors Action Group, and the Foundation Lab.
Last Sunday evening in Calgary, the partners held a
celebration event to recognize the accomplishments of Seniors A GOGO in
bringing attention to the promotion of healthy
sexuality throughout one's lifespan through theatre. The celebration event included
pictorial displays, video renditions of monologues written and
performed by seniors, and live productions of some of their work. In
the audience were family members, friends, sponsors, production
assistants, and a number of invited guests.
The evening was kicked off with the artistic director sharing some
of the challenges that the partnership faced in attracting seniors to
share their experience of sexuality and in overcoming the stereotypes
associated with seniors and sex or the absence thereof. Watch for an
upcoming posting by Marianne Sluyter in which she will share more of
the challenges faced by the partnership and of the breakthroughs that
occurred along the way.
Throughout the evening, the audience was introduced to each of the
members of Seniors a GOGO as one by one they shed a light on sexuality,
intimacy, and self-worth for men and women in the normal course of
aging. What was abundantly clear throughout the evening was that,
regardless of age, we all have a need to be loved, to be appreciated,
to be admired, and to be engaged in an intimate relationship. As one
of the seniors shared, it was important to be in a relationship in
which 'In To Me See' (read "Intimacy") was present.
What a pleasure it was to witness seniors sharing the very best of
who they are with younger generations in attendance. All age groups
were represented in the audience and it was my observation that
everyone was touched and inspired by the production members.
Sunday evening was a testimony to the strides that can be made
when partnering organizations and individuals come together to advance
the quality of life of Elders. Focusing attention on sexuality in the
later stages of life is central to the ongoing health and wellness of
Elders. Thanks to Seniors a GOGO, I was privileged to experience
collaboration in community and wisdom in action!
By Kevin Brown | BioEarlier
in the spring, I wrote an article titled The Care and Feeding of
Seniors in which I stated "I view aging: as a natural progression of
life that embodies endless possibilities. This view is the core reason
why I joined the Eldering Institute, an organization that promotes a
life of power, purpose and possibility for Elders. I choose to live in
a world in which individuals, regardless of age, are committed to
continually creating new possibilities for their lives. I am speaking
of possibilities that allow individuals to share the very best of who
they are. In the world I envision, imagine the impact that Elders,
collaborating with other generations, will have on the communities in
which they live, learn, work and play!"[Read More]
In
my previous post, I discussed showing up in conversation without
pre-formed conclusions about the person we are entering into
conversation with. While the post was directed to conversations with
those we provide care for, the article applies to any conversation that
we find ourselves in. Whether at home, work, in not-for-profit
organizations, at Church, or just in casual conversation with friends;
how we show up in conversation has a profound impact on our
relationships.
By Kevin Brown | BioThere
was a time when ‘showing up’ for a meeting, an appointment, or a family
event left me thinking about being on time, what I must remember to
bring, or what I should wear. Increasingly though, I have been thinking
about how I ‘show up’ in conversation with the people I interact with.
I am talking about conversations with my work colleagues, fellow
churchgoers, friends, extended family members, my son, my wife, and
even with my God. When I began to consider how I show up for others in
conversation, I realized just how little attention I was giving to
being responsible in my conversations.[Read More]
By Kevin Brown | 
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