 By Jim Selman | Bio
We’ve all experienced a situation—whether in
a marriage, friendship or business relationship—where we find ourselves
thinking about the other person and saying, “I love you, BUT…”. It’s in
that moment we realize a particular behavior of theirs is not
acceptable to us and has become a source of stress and resentment. For
many, resentment almost always leads to a downward spiral of
self-destructive behavior and the eventual destruction of the
relationship. I was coaching a friend recently who is in such a dilemma.[ Read More]
Written by eldering at Personal Empowerment
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 By Jim Selman | Bio
It is almost impossible to turn on the television or read a
newspaper or a magazine without encountering one pundit, expert or “man
on the street” either talking about the future or trying to blame
someone for something. Our media commentary is rarely about what is
happening now: mostly it’s about what happened in the past or what
someone thinks is going to happen in the future. Combine the
establishment media with all of the blogging and chatting going on, and
it is incredible how fixated we are on what will happen next.[ Read More]
Written by eldering at Wisdom in Action
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By Jim Selman | Bio
I think there is a time when we realize that
‘what got us here’ isn’t sufficient to get us ‘where we want to go’.
These times are the transition points in life, the points where we have
an opportunity to make major choices and embark on a new phase of our
lives—to experience a transformation in how we observe and relate to
ourselves, other people and the world in general. I can recall having
this feeling when I left home for college, again when I got married,
when my children were born and at various times when I changed the
direction of my career.[ Read More]
Written by eldering at Fearless Aging
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 By Jim Selman | Bio
A few weeks ago, I posted my musings about
Blackberries and other gizmos that seem to have taken over our minds
and that are becoming the focus for much of our attention (to the point
of almost being amusing to see folks pulling them out). The media has
dubbed these devices “crackberries’ in view of their seemingly
addictive hold on us. Well, in spite of my protests to never get hooked, I bought one and[ Read More]
Written by eldering at Fearless Aging
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By Jim Selman | Bio
I notice lately that a lot of my conversations with older friends
revolve around the question “What do you want to do?” This is usually
followed by a smorgasbord of choices ranging from recreation to
entertainment to ‘just hanging out’. It sounds a lot like the
conversations my children used to have on a Saturday afternoon. It
seems to me that this kind of conversation is about filling time,
rather than intentional or purposeful choices. It is about picking from
available options, rather than creating the game we might create if
there were no constraints. When we were very young, we seemed to be
much more adept at creating games out of thin air with a lot less
effort.[ Read More]
Written by eldering at Fearless Aging
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One thing about being on the road as much as I have been for most of this year is that living in hotel rooms allows you to reflect on many things. For example, you get to examine your values and priorities and whether your transient life style is really a choice or just a kind of habit you’ve developed over the course of your career. I have been a consultant since 1969 and have traveled a lot over the past 28 years. You get some idea of how nutty we road warriors can be when you consider we feel pride when we get to the highest level frequent flyer status or become “Million Milers”. That is kind of like winning a prize for being the best prisoner on the block. I computed once that I have probably spent a total of a year or two of my life in airports or in the air. Don’t misunderstand, I am not ‘crying’ about any of this. I love my work and I even love to travel, although flying used to be a lot more fun before 9/11. Today it is a chore that I accept as part of the price I pay to enjoy the work I do and see the world while serving my multinational clients. What interests me, however, is the question of whether I am really choosing this work lifestyle or whether it is a habit—a way of being in the world that, while easily justified and/or rationalized, is far from ‘normal’ and that takes a toll on me in terms of traveler stress and missed opportunities to develop roots and enjoy the pleasures of home.[ Read More]
Written by eldering at Personal Empowerment
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