 I am officially on holiday. Darlene and I are in Granada seeing what is
perhaps one of the two or three top tourist destinations in Europe—The
Alhambra. Aside from this site being a unique and spectacular complex
of ancient fortifications and Arabic palaces, it also tells the story
of how temporal our lives and our civilizations really are. This one
had a pretty good run (about 800 years) before it was conquered in
1492, the same year Columbus set foot in the ‘New World’.
Our visit has been ‘dampened’ a bit by a deluge—the hardest downpour in years if our guide is to be believed. There is nothing like seeing a few thousand mostly retired and
uncomfortable tourists being herded in the rain by dozens of equally
uncomfortable guides waving umbrellas and shouting at the throng.
Everyone, including me, was torn between the desire not to miss
anything that our ticket allowed and wanting to retreat to the comfort
of a cozy bed-and-breakfast.[ Read More]
Written by Jim Selman at Personal Empowerment
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Most of us are fans of the idea of ‘dialogue’. Dialogue is generally
touted as the answer for resolving conflicts, building trust and
crossing cultural divides of all kinds—be they national,
organizational, ethnic, racial, gender-based or generational. I was
having a conversation recently with a very bright young woman in the
same business as me and we were swapping stories and ideas and
experiences.
Although we are both professional communicators and teach others how to
communicate more effectively, it became obvious after a while that we
were talking ‘at’ each other. I began to experience the same kind of
tension I sometimes feel when I am speaking with my son. Nothing was
wrong per se, but I had the feeling that she wasn’t really listening to
me. As we began to speak about what was going on, I found out the same
was true for her. I felt like she either wasn’t interested in what I
had to say or didn’t care about or respect the breadth and depth of my
experience and knowledge. She also felt I wasn’t ‘getting her’ and
wasn’t respecting her and her considerable knowledge on the subject at
hand. We were two professionals from two generations who were more
competitive than collaborative, and at the end of the day we were both
frustrated at not being able to ‘connect’ the way we do every day with
people of our own generation. There was no dialogue and we ended up
with, at best, a discussion that will not in all likelihood make the
slightest difference in either one of our lives. [ Read More]
Written by Jim Selman at Wisdom in Action
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I had a great conversation this past weekend with my son Clarke. We
were talking about the differences between ‘his generation’ and ‘my
generation’ (the Boomers), and he shared a perspective I thought was
extraordinary and which made me realize our two age groups advocate two
very different interpretations of reality.
He believes that one of the biggest problems his generation faces is
themselves—because they have grown up in a time in which they have been
constantly bombarded with the marketing machine’s message that the world is custom-made to fulfill whatever you want.
He and his peers have grown up in an era of customized everything—from
their local Starbucks experience to designing their desktop and
personalizing their clothing to match current fads and their own
tastes. The message is always, “How do you want it to be?”. This
proliferation of choices and possibilities is wonderful and convenient
(and obviously good for businesses and marketers). But is it good to
believe that your personal whims and preferences should be the
organizing principle for your life? [ Read More]
Written by Jim Selman at Wisdom in Action
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I have been reading an interesting book that is a mix of historical thriller and modern mystery called Labyrinth
by Kate Moss. It spans history from the Middle Ages to the present and
raises all sorts of ‘what-is-life-all-about’ questions. For me, it
opened the question of multi-generational continuity—where dreams and
purpose and life were framed from father (or mother) to son (or
daughter). Whether it was building a family business or having your
children be born in a space of freedom, the dream of a better life and
more opportunity for the young has always been a central aspect of the
American Dream. I suspect it has been a central aspect of everyone’s
dream.
Maybe I am missing something, but I don’t see a lot of this kind of
long-term thinking going on, at least not in the USA and Canada.
Perhaps it exists elsewhere. But in North America, I think we’ve either
gotten pretty much what we want and therefore have lost the need or
will to dream or we have become resigned that it is no longer possible
to have what we aspire to. While there are lots of ‘get rich’ gimmicks
around and plenty of ‘get better’ books and programs promising we can
be happy ever after, the underlying message seems to focus on
convincing us of a particular way to get something as easily and
quickly as possible. [ Read More]
Written by Jim Selman at Wisdom in Action
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We had a wonderful conversation last night with my daughter Lauren (who is graduating from college this week) and two of her friends. The mood was celebratory with lots of speculation about Lauren’s future and so forth. The conversation became focused and very interesting as we began to talk about how her generation uses and participates in the ‘technological space’ of the Internet. Specifically, we ‘older folks’ were wondering why the young seem so intent on putting everything about themselves—information we’d prefer to keep private—on public display on sites like Facebook and MySpace? [ Read More]
Written by Jim Selman at Wisdom in Action
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I had an extraordinary visit with my oldest daughter last week. She is an elementary school teacher in Houston, and an excellent one by all accounts. She and her husband have a lovely home and friends. Their lives are good. What made the visit special for me was that Cindy and I had one of those heart-to-heart talks that parents and children can have from time to time, and I realized how much there is for me to learn from her. [ Read More]
Written by Jim Selman at Wisdom in Action
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Have you seen the YouTube clip of the Zimmers— a group of
older folks singing a refrain from “My Generation” by The Who?
They look like they’re having a good time making the point that their
generation is cool too. Interestingly, a lot of normally ageist folks
are applauding—expressing a kind of ‘good for you’ (you nice, sweet,
otherwise decrepit old fogies). Personally, I think the song and the
singing are fun, but it also reinforces a lot of ‘old people’
stereotypes. [ Read More]
Written by Jim Selman at Fearless Aging
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I just finished watching a CNN International presentation in my hotel
room in Sao Paulo. It was an extraordinary production called “ India’s Generation Next”. What made it special from my perspective is that it
was a genuine conversation of many young people, accented with dialogue
with 5 prominent Indians, including two celebrities from the
entertainment industry, a politician and two prominent business people.
[ Read More]
Written by Jim Selman at News
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I was talking to a friend recently who was suggesting I commit this
blog to defeating ‘ageism’ in all of its often subtle and insidious
forms. I said, I don’t want to make this about being ‘against’ ageism
for three reasons. First, if there is one thing I have learned in life
it is that we get what we resist. Even Martin Luther King wasn’t so
much against discrimination as he was ‘for’ equality. Secondly, I want
to be ‘for’ the possibility of aging and that is as much about
discovery and creating than it is about political power or ‘fixing’
the status quo. Thirdly, and probably most important, is that ‘ageism’
isn’t the problem we face as we get older. It is a symptom. [ Read More]
Written by Jim Selman at Fearless Aging
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I am thinking about all the things older people told me over the
years—don’t worry, relax, smell the roses, live life in the moment,
learn from your mistakes, and, above all, love other people and
yourself. Much of my life hasn’t been spent practicing these gems from
my predecessors. It’s been about struggling to do it right, doing it my
way, resisting anything I didn’t like, and (in one way or another)
controlling myself and other people. [ Read More]
Written by Jim Selman at Learning
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