By Jim Selman | Bio
Do you know that terrible sinking feeling when
something really bad happens that you didn’t expect—something that you
know will have a major and probably permanently negative impact on your
life and the lives of those you love—and there is nothing you can do
about it?[ Read More]
Written by eldering at The Great Turning
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 By Jim Selman | Bio
This has been a sad week. My partner’s mother died at the
age of 94. Even when the end is expected (and perhaps even welcomed after a
long period of decline), it nonetheless has a powerful impact on those who
cared. All of the clichés aside, there just isn’t much to say to the bereaved
other than “I am sorry for your loss.” As we get older, death and dying becomes
a larger part of our day-to-day reality as we lose friends and loved ones. For
“Mimi”, there weren’t many left. She outlived almost everyone of her
generation. [ Read More]
Written by eldering at Learning
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 By Rick Fullerton | Bio
For
much of my life, I have had a private conversation about dying. It
began as a young child, probably triggered by overhearing my parents
talking about people fighting cancer or other scary diseases. When I
was 12 and our family doctor knocked on the schoolroom door, my first
thought was that he had figured out I was going to die. I was shocked
to discover he had come to tell me my father had died of a heart attack
at just 53. I was devastated![ Read More]
Written by eldering at Fearless Aging
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Randy Pausch, a 46-year-old Carnegie Mellon computer science professor,
diagnosed with terminal cancer, gives his last lecture. He urges us to
play the cards we are dealt, have specific dreams, enable the dreams of
others and ourselves, and to understand that obstacles are
opportunities for us to discover how badly we want things and to demonstrate our commitment. View the 18-minute ABC video or the full Live Life to the Fullest lecture. [ Read More]
Written by eldering at Learning
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In loving memory of my mother, Ruth Selman (1920-2007), who passed away this morning at 11:20 am.
I am distracted by thoughts of dying,
My actions blown away on wasted winds of imagination and thoughts I cannot think or speak.
I celebrate tomorrow and yearn for yesterdays,
The weakness of a restless soul longing for realities unlived and lost forever in the desert of forgotten dreams.
[ Read More]
Written by Jim Selman at Fearless Aging
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By Kay Costley-White
The most joyful person I have ever met was a young man dying of AIDS. Chris’s path to serenity had been long and difficult. In the early 1990s, his family, afraid of their community's reaction to
his gay lifestyle, rejected him. He moved from central Canada to
Vancouver, developed a family of choice, and lived with a partner
committed to a life-long relationship. But his partner and many of his
friends died of AIDS. Then his place of employment found out the reason
for his many absences for sick leave, and he was fired on the spot.
Later, life-threatening infections kept him in hospital, too weak to
care for himself. When I knew him, he understood that there was no hope
for a cure or prolongation of his life. Medicine could do nothing
beyond keeping him comfortable, and he was facing his imminent death.[ Read More]
Written by eldering at Learning
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By Kay Costley-White
A
lot is written these days about aging gracefully. As we approach our
senior years, we also become aware of a vague dread: we don’t want to
acknowledge our fear of dying. Evolution, while fitting us
with an urgent will to survive and multiply, also equipped us with a
powerful, instinctive fear of death. It is perfectly normal and natural
to have a strong aversion to anything to do with it. Many people end
their lives without ever addressing the issue. But if we choose to open
up to this part of our genetic makeup, what is it really about? Does it
relate to the course of illness leading to the body’s demise, to the
process of dying itself, or to fear of what comes after? Or is it a
combination of all three, with a host of other unnamed distresses
tagging along?[ Read More]
Written by eldering at Learning
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I visited my Mother this week. She is 87 and not well. A lifetime of smoking has caught up with her and she is fighting emphysema every day. For the first time in a while, I came face to face with the reality that she is dying. Her comment to me is that “I don’t mind dying but don’t like dying this way”. These thoughts aren’t about not smoking, although as an ex-smoker, it is remarkable how that addiction can warp our judgment. My mother continues smoking to this day—now protesting that it is ‘too late’ and she is probably right. [ Read More]
Written by Jim Selman at Wisdom in Action
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I came home still a little teary and deeply moved after seeing Peter O’Toole’s new film Venus,
a tour de force about a love affair, albeit chaste, between Maurice, an
aging (80 something) lothario, and Jessie, an angry and unsophisticated
young woman (20 something). I was eager to read the reviews and shocked
to find that most viewers had put it down (6 on a scale of 10) largely
as a reflection of their discomfort with the suggestions of sexual
intimacy across such a wide generational divide. From my
perspective, it was a masterpiece depicting our cultural expectations
for aging and the possibility of living life full of love, passion and
even desire to the last day. [ Read More]
Written by Jim Selman at Fearless Aging
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About 3 hours until the ball drops and we all sing Auld Lang Seins
and kiss someone close to us. This year had an early dinner, shared
resolutions and went through the ritual of ‘completing’ 2006. I notice
that staying up until midnight somehow isn’t what it used to be.
Nonetheless, this is a special day no matter how cavalier I may be
about it. Every culture seems to have a New Year. I suppose if you are
Jewish and Chinese, you could have three New Year celebrations. I
wonder if all cultures emphasize completing the past and creating the
future as the main point to the process?[ Read More]
Written by Jim Selman at Wisdom in Action
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