By Shae HaddenBio
I came across a new take on the phrase "Act your age!" today.
Consider that the entire universe is made up of the same matter, the
same particles that existed in the first flaring forth of space and
time. And that these same particles are recycled into different forms
time and time again. Essentially, each one of us is as old as our
universe. And according to recent calculations based on the Big Bang
theory, that's about 13.7 billion years old. In other cosmological
models, the universe has an infinite age.[
Read More]
Written by eldering at Fearless Aging
Join discussion COMMENTS [0]
Tagged with:
ageless
big-bang
making-a-difference
This post was contributed by
Shae Hadden.
I find myself wondering why we let a difference in our ages limit how
we relate to each other in our personal relationships. I’m not speaking
of the obvious social taboos like pedophilia and infantophilia. It’s
the relationships between consenting adults that have me pondering. Why
are different arrangements acceptable in different cultures and
societies? Why is what is considered perverse in one accepted in
another? Why is the most common pattern of heterosexual relationships
still a slightly older man with a younger woman? Why is it that age
disparity is less of an issue the older the partners involved are?
Psychologists have developed a host of terms to describe age-disparate
relationships such as gerontophilia (attraction of non-elderly people
to the elderly), teleiophilia (attraction of young people to the
elderly) and the more general chronophilia (for any age-related
preference). These terms make intergenerational relationships sound
like a disease. They even assign ‘causes’ in the form of reasons for
the attraction—usually from financial and social security to
compensation for lack of parental bonding. These analyses would
discourage even the most warm-hearted from developing a relationship
with an older person.
Social imprinting impresses us with a host of concerns and assumptions
about intimate relationships that step outside what is considered
‘normal’.
- When the woman is 5 years or more older than her male partner,
will she be able to have children and raise a family in the time left
on her ‘biological clock’?
- Should very elderly people form intimate relationships when they obviously have so little time left?
- With partners who have more than a 15 or 20-year difference in age, what will happen when the older person dies?
- Can these May/December relationships work at all, considering neither individual may be accepted by their partner’s peer group?
- Can they understand, accept and respect each other’s viewpoint when they come from different generations?
- How will they deal with the perception of others?
We’ve also inherited disparaging terminology to classify the people
involved in age-disparate relationships—from cougars, bobcats and pumas
(women in their 40s, 30s and 20s with younger men) to the traditional
gold digger who robs the grave and the ‘Sugar Daddy’ who chases younger
women.
Do we need to perpetuate this ageism in our relationships?
We are all in relationship with older and younger people all our lives.
When it comes to committed relationships, we can choose whether we want
to limit ourselves based on age or not. Certainly, partners need to
align themselves in the areas of health and shared dreams; however,
they need not let looking good, fear of losing the other partner,
issues concerning their changing bodies or energy affect their choice.
We have no control over what other people think of us, no control over
who we love or who loves us, no control over when it will be impossible
to have children anymore, and definitely no control over when we will
die. No matter what our age now, we are all growing older and we will
all die someday. Why deny ourselves any time together on the basis of
any of society’s prejudices?
I propose the following basic tenets for a new ageless perspective on committed adult relationships:
- Both partners choose to have no problem with the difference in their ages
- Both authentically love each other as they are
- Both are committed to each other and to the relationship
- Both people satisfy and enjoy each other
- Both commit to never taking the other for granted
- Both have a profound connection that makes them right for each other
As I did in my marriage, I would advocate agreeing to be together for
as long as both people continue to grow and learn from each other, and
that they are both free to move on when that is no longer the case.
Thank you, David, for letting me learn and grow with you these past 20
years. I never once thought of the difference in our ages … only of who
we were for each other.
PS. Here are some interesting examples of
relationships with age disparity of 10 or more years.
[
Read More]
Written by Shae Hadden at Personal Empowerment
Join discussion COMMENTS [1]
Tagged with:
ageless
gerontophilia
perspective
relationship
By Marilyn Kentz
Bio
Last year's announcement that actress Demi Moore wed young actor
Ashton Kutcher hardly raised an eyebrow, as it would have twenty, or
even ten, years ago. Hollywood celebrities often lead the way when it
comes to national trends, and one trend is becoming increasingly
obvious: women over forty no longer consider themselves “over the hill”. Whether the rest of the world is on board is a matter of personal
attitude. It's not about trying to sex it up for some 30-year-old ad
executive. That would be a misplaced, maybe even desperate, intention.
It's about how we perceive and authentically present ourselves that
makes a person alluring. We all know those ageless women who walk into
a room and capture it—no matter where their breasts land. And there's a
big difference between being alluring and being outright sexy. The
latter is a bit more of a challenge for me.
[
Read More]
Written by eldering at Fearless Aging
Join discussion COMMENTS [0]
Tagged with:
ageless
babe
baby
boomer
in
life
passion
purpose
women
RSS Feeds
