You Make Me Who I am |
Wednesday Jul 04 2007
Bio
I read a very sad story about Richard W. Daly, a former member of the Massachusetts House of Representatives, in the Boston Globe last week. Under the headline “Legislator faded away, died alone” was the report that he had been found next to his bed by his landlord. He had been dead about a week. The Globe reported:
“He
was a 32-year-old freshman legislator, impeccably dressed in a
pinstripe suit, crisp button-down shirt, and bow tie, when he strode
through the halls of the State House almost 40 years ago.... Those who
knew Daly then have been remembering that part of his life as they
prepare to bury a man who apparently left no money for his own funeral
and had no known relatives to claim his body…a virtual recluse (who had
been) living in a $130-a-week rooming house."
We live in a country that deifies the hardy, self-sufficient individual—the person who asks for nothing, owes nobody anything, and “does it their own way” without compromising to others. We have extended our legal definition of individual rights to an overall definition of what it means to be human. Bad mistake.
My friend Mark introduced me to the traditional African concept of ubuntu, a very different philosophy that focuses on people’s relations and allegiances with each other. Loose translations of ubuntu from the original Bantu include “I am because we are” and “A person becomes human through other persons”. Thinking from this place, I believe that ‘who I am’ is made possible only through my relationships with others.
A popular maxim of the typical American self-help guru is to “take care of yourself first”. A virtual glorification of extreme self-care! Get yourself together, then you can take care of others. First, focus on you, then pay attention to your relationships. I think they have it backwards.
I say to make relationships your top priority. Understand, deeply, how you are connected to everyone else. Invest yourself in the lives of others. Be generous with your time. Be sensitive to others’ needs. Make offers wherever you can to help people. Accept, with gratitude, the offers of others. Cultivate intimate heart-felt conversations. Be in relationship with people who help you see yourself more clearly through different eyes. Be curious and explore how others observe differently the things that you experience together. Know the exhilaration of deep human connection and the stimulation of diversity.
I am who I am because of my relationships with others.
I am a leader because others choose to follow.
I love because others love me.
I learn when others teach me.
I am confident when I am acknowledged.
I grow when others push me and entice me into new fields of knowledge.
I am joyful when I experience the rush of gratitude I feel when surrounded by friends and family.
I feel relevant and respected when others listen to me and pay attention.
I glow when I know I have made a difference in the life of another.
I don’t intend to just fade away by retreating into solitude. I don’t want to die alone. In choosing where to put my time, I will choose relationships. I’m under no illusion about the path of self-sufficiency.
You make me who I am, so I choose to be with you…and you…and you.
Written by eldering at Personal Empowerment
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