How Are You Listening? |
Friday Jun 11 2010
There is a humorous
1-1/2 minute video called Masi,
Me Tiro which is winning awards around the world. It has
inspired me to reflect on how we listen to others. The characters
demonstrate that our listening is often filtered through our personal
judgments and preconceptions of others. This filtering limits our
ability to listen. We find ourselves reacting to what’s being said and
to who we think they are based on our history and their identity (or
appearance). We are prisoners of our stories about them. We are not
really listening to what the other person is saying.
In the
video, the two men are trapped inside their own circular conversations,
unable to hear or validate the other person except inside the
interpretation they have of them. They react to each other without
listening.
I find myself often caught up in reactive
conversations. This is how we normaily interact in our daily lives in
society. I realize that every time I experience the type of stress
response these two men demonstrate that I can change my experience of
what’s happening and the other person by changing my listening. I can
re-engage with them and listen, not from my judgments, but from a place
of acceptance and validation.
As Humberto Maturana, the Chilean
biologist and author, says: "The acceptance of others as a legitimate
other is a prerequisite of language.” If we do not accept the other
person as a legitimate other, our listening will always limit and
obstruct our communication. The good news is that if we commit ourselves
to listen actively, without preconceptions and judgments, we can become
effective listeners.
Listening actively to the other person
is a commitment, a commitment that legitimizes the other and allows for
effective communication and creativity. Listening validates the talker,
not the listener. Listening is the key factor in communication. Peter
Drucker said: "Too many executives think they are wonderful with people
because they speak well and do not realize to be wonderful with people
means to listen well."
The actual value in a conversation is
only discovered when preceded by our commitment to listen for the
possibility the other person is. We can relate better to others in
conversation when we focus on these key question:
- What am I learning here?
- What new possibilities can we open up if I am committed to listening for possibility?
- What new worlds could we then create?
Conversation, like art, always evokes and provokes us to look for possibility.
View Masi Me Tiro on YouTube.
Written by eldering at Learning
Tagged with: acceptance communication humberto_maturana language listening masi_me_tiro peter_drucker
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