Menopower

By Adrienne Sharp

We are happy to welcome guest blogger Adrienne Sharp to Serene Ambition. Adrienne has over 20 years experience as a producer/writer/director for numerous
broadcast and corporate clients, including The Discovery Channel/CTV, CBC, TSN,
Bravo, Magna International, Canon, Pepsi, IBM and Pioneer Electronics. Her credits
include over 900 successful video productions for sales conferences, tradeshows
and internal corporate use. Adrienne’s writing expertise encompasses print, web
and video and she also designs, develops and presents courses and workshops. This article was originally published in MORE magazine in 2008, and is reprinted here with kind permission from the author.


The world is operating on a huge misconception that excessive garbage, extensive use of fossil fuels and other forms of pollution are causing global warming. I have discovered the true cause of global warming:

Menopausal Women.

Let’s look at the facts. There are over 40 million women in North America over the age of 50. The World Health Organization estimates there will be 1.1 billion women over the age of 50 in the world by the year 2025. At least 85% of these women will experience hot flashes. That means about 0.85 billion women having 6 to 12 hot flashes a day. I can estimate from personal experience that your body temperature feels as though it rises about 150 degrees for at least 30 seconds to a minute. OK, I am exaggerating a bit; in reality, it’s about 40 degrees or 6 degrees centigrade. No wonder the polar ice caps are melting.

Imagine 2025 when together about 0.85 billion women will generate 40 degrees of heat per flash! That’s 3.4 billion degrees, only one hot flash, one minute. Multiply that by 6 to 12 hot flashes a day. That’s somewhere between 20 to 40 billion degrees of heat a day. Multiply that by 365 days a year. Do the math and the figures are mind-boggling.

What does it all mean? Are middle-aged women really going to be the downfall of the planet? There is good news. This is a renewable resource that could save the planet. All we have to do if find a way to capture all that excess heat, process it and turn it into power to fuel cars, heat buildings, and run households. My husband always says that I think I am the driving force in the car when he is at the wheel. Let’s take advantage of that. Plug me in and let me really drive the car. Replace the hot air in all those office towers with menopausal energy. No doubt the businesses will run smoother. We could run our own household appliances. I see a whole range of new products. Hybrid cars will be out, and new Flashy cars will be in. Imagine the Menowave Oven. If you are a man and are having trouble believing the oven could really cook food, just remember the energy behind the deeds of a woman scorned. Multiply that tenfold and you have the power of a hot flash. The applications for menopower are endless.
 
How do we do it? I suggest downloading stations on corners in high-traffic areas. Women could just pop in if they feel a hot flash coming on. Rather than be embarrassed and try to dismiss their hot flash, they can lie back and relax knowing they are saving the planet. Give these women more incentive to donate energy. Give each woman that shows up at a Flash Station a Godiva truffle after each flash. (Healthy dark chocolate. of course). If by chance we run short of energy, we could supply these stations with flash-inducing products to make sure we get what we need. Hot coffee, hair dryers and walls plastered with photos of ex-husbands should do the trick.

The bottom line…transforming hot flashes into real energy would put women in their rightful place…running the world.

© 2006 Adrienne Sharp. All rights reserved.

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