By Shae Hadden | Bio
For a few hours yesterday, I was ‘spring cleaning’, clearing out the accumulated papers and possessions of the past. I always find such ‘mindless’ activities actually very mindful: they are the perfect opportunity to become present to many of the old internal conversations I’ve been having with myself. Each piece of paper or item draws up memories or images of who I was or what was happening in my life at the time. Yesterday, what kept appearing was the thought that I have been deceiving myself about who I am and what I want to do with my life for a very long time. A question followed—what value is there in deceit?
Conventional wisdom would have it that mastering deception is mastering the art of cheating someone or something other than ourselves. Yet, every self-deception influences our mood, choices and actions, and these can deceive others into believing we are not who we are. And every time we deceive others, we deceive ourselves into believing our own self-deception.
Deception hides us from our deepest desires: it’s as if we live in a castle of confusion, blind to the paradox we’ve created. Our deceptions become our ‘truth’, and we end up playing the game of life oblivious to what we want most of all. Deception begets denial. And denial cheats us of the possibility of experiencing what most everyone wants most of all: to be ‘known’ and to be loved as we truly are.
“I have an ongoing need to let go of everything I am really done with, in order to be everything I am really ready for.”
—Hayden Stewart
Today, along with my papers and possessions, I’m choosing to let go of my self-deceptions. I forgive myself for choosing the path of self-denial. And I trust that, as a very wise 93-year-old man named Hayden once told me, surrendering will allow the Universe to reveal possibilities for my full self-expression and fulfillment in all areas of my life.