By Charles E. Smith | Bio
Last night I was sitting in front of CNN, drinking wine, hoping that "in vino veritas" would once again prove true. What was I to do with my future?
I was so sick of making lists, I could have screamed. I wanted, once
and for all, a goal that would bring salvation with it. I wanted a
colleague, friend or lover who would answer all my questions and
provide me with terminal support. I wanted to name a program that would
capture my life’s work, my heart’s desire, and let all my skills gush
forth. Once, and finally for all, to have the world beat a path to my
door.
Instead, it felt like a never-ending set of song titles
"…every day I wake up, then I start to break up” ”…looking for love
in all the wrong places” “…give me some men who are stout-hearted
men” “…he was born in the summer of his 27th year." Well, 27 has
come and gone and I’m still waiting to be reborn.
I’ve spent my entire life waiting for an angel to sit on my poor pin. Long wait, no angel.
Then
I heard a voice, maybe my own, maybe God’s, maybe an angel’s. It said,
"Listen, stupid. No self-respecting angel would ever sit on a pin. They
have better things to do. Whoever thought up the question about angels
and pins has you sitting here, drinking wine, victimized by something
that doesn’t exist. It’s not there and never will be.”
So, I’ve decided to join the Order of Nothing to Do.
In
joining this Order, I had to give up my membership in certain other
Orders to which it was suddenly clear I had been devoted. These
included, but are probably not limited to, the:
- Order of the Devout Victim
- Order of Diminished Delight
- Order of Perpetual Confession
- Order of Incessant Explanations
- Order of Insincere Apologies
- Order of Insincere Offers
- Order of Fearful Inaction
- Order of Having to Make a Difference
- Order of Having to Make No Difference
- Order of Self-Depreciation
- Order of Too Much to Do
- Order of Continual Tidiness
- Order of Perpetually Trite Response
- Order of the Immaculate Inquiry
- Order of Sexual Disaffection
- Order of Having to Have More
- Order of Nobody Tells Me What to Do
- Order of Committed Inattention
- Order of Desperately Seeking Salvation
- Order of Perfection and Worry
- Order of Terminal Service
- Order of Pathetic Objectives
- Order of Having to Do What You Don’t Want To Do
- Order of Unworthy Existence
Although
there is no recognized clergy, no services and no divinity school, I
have started to see the opportunity for priests, priestesses, young
female acolytes and altar boys. As I’ve shared this discovery, people
are volunteering for the jobs of high priest and priestess. No one so
far wants to be a female acolyte.