I’ve been making New Year’s resolutions for more than 50 years now,
and you’d think I would have learned something about how to do it well
by now. Unfortunately, I am still a beginner at making resolutions—I
continue to “make ’em and break ’em” with more precision and
predictability than the blooming of flowers in Spring or leaves falling
in Autumn.
The lull between Christmas and New Year’s Eve certainly is a great
time to reflect on the year past and the year to come. I sometimes
wonder why I do this over and over again, even when I suspect I
probably won’t keep this year’s resolutions any more than I kept those
from previous years. I suppose it is a kind of annual ritual where I
acknowledge my good intentions and accept my human failings. I don’t
really feel guilty. I learned long ago that guilt is a way to justify
doing what we think we shouldn’t be doing—a sort of psychic balancing
of the ‘moral’ scales.
No, it’s more like I feel foolish for pretending I am committed to
something I am not. The problem, of course, is that I have kept a few
of these promises to myself, just enough to think this year might be
another exception. This is the same principle, I think, that keeps lots
of people playing golf. They hit just enough great shots to keep hope
alive that they will become ‘real’ golfers.
For example, there are a few ‘keepable’ resolutions, such as
cleaning the garage, writing thank you notes, updating my address book,
and so forth. There are others that ‘might’ be kept, such as reading
some things I have been stacking up in the ‘to read’ pile or finally
taking a long talked about vacation. Then there are the ‘I want to,
but…’ resolutions, which include losing weight, doing more regular
exercise, finishing my book and learning to play the piano. It is this
latter category that leaves me feeling foolish. I can’t quite bring
myself to say “I will NEVER learn the piano”, in spite of having spent
thousands on missed lessons and it having been at the top of my failed
New Year’s resolution list since 1981!
So here is my list again for 2007:
• Learn to play the piano
• Learn Spanish (next level)
• Lose 15 pounds
• Exercise daily (go to the gym)
• Finish my book manuscript
• Stop making resolutions I suspect I won’t keep, but really want to
What it comes down to is whether I am really committed to change
something and, specifically, if I am willing to change my ‘self-talk’
about myself. You see, for me to accomplish these goals requires that:
a) I believe it is possible for me
b) I am willing to give up many years of failing at accomplishing these things, and
c) I can be responsible for what it will mean in terms of real changes to my life regarding schedule and day-to-day practices.
For example, I know that if I go to the gym every day for a month or
two, it will become a new habit … and that is that on failing to
exercise. All I need to “do” is go the gym. I also know that if I get
into the habit of going to the gym then I will probably lose the weight
and have the time to listen to my Spanish lessons on my iPod, which
might at least help in the matter of ‘learning’ Spanish. It all makes
sense and sounds so easy a few days before New Year’s Eve. So what is
the source of my failure to do so? Why do I procrastinate?
Why does anyone procrastinate?
My thinking here is that it is because our resolutions are
‘open-ended’ … more like intentions than commitments. It is hard to
hold an open-ended commitment. This is why AA doesn’t expect people to
promise never to drink again—just not to drink today. By focusing on
“one day at a time”, the individual can concentrate on what they can
manage and not get lost in their idealism in a matter where they have
failed over and over again.
I think this year I am going to amend my resolutions and focus on
taking action just “one day at a time”. Perhaps by focusing on
short-term actions, I will be surprised at how far I have come in
fulfilling my intentions by the end of the year.
I will say more on procrastination tomorrow.
Today I am going to the gym.